I hate feeling emo, frustrated, sad, tired and unmotivated. I repeat, I REALLY HATE TO FEEL LIKE THIS.
I can’t believe how 1 inconsequential thing could go so wrong, that it resulted in a flaring up for no apparent reason, hence ruining part of my Sunday, and hurt both our feelings at the same time.
It’s so hurtful, I hate to cry. But it took a lot for me to stand up for myself and reveal what was really wrong, even though it sucks that I have to give an elder the cold shoulder for an entire night.
I don’t feel like doing anything now, except just sleep, and have you next to me.
Too many things are running through my mind now. Schoolwork. Finals. Relationship. Graduation. Future. Church. Future ministry. Family.
Sometimes I feel like I can handle them all at a go, and in honesty I would be able to handle it all, generally speaking. But 1 inconsequential thing, which resulted in such screaming and fury, made me so upset, I can’t even concentrate or think straight. I hate to seem so weak and incapable, and this kind of set off a lot of fears and anxiety in my heart. And I hate this feeling, I thought I JUST managed to get over my problem of feeling inadequate. This small thing could trigger off all my tears and fears.
It’s a frightening feeling to feel this way. I hate it so much, I really feel like a whole wave of emotions came crashing down on me all at once and I don’t even know how to deal with it properly.
I really don’t want to do any work now, I just want to be away from all these crap and have time to catch my breath. I want a holiday out of Singapore, I just want to take my camera and explore the world, capture both the beauty and ugliness of the world, do a farm stay, play with various dogs, enjoy the different cultures and foods.. Yes, the list goes on, basically.
It’s times like this, that remind me that I have to walk even closer to God. For He will never forsake us.